Joan Didion famously wrote about her years living in New York City back in the 1960s:
“I can remember now…when New York began for me, but I cannot lay my finger upon the moment it ended. Some years passed, but I still did not lose that sense of wonder about New York…I was very young in New York, and that at some point the golden rhythm was broken, and I am not that young anymore.” (Joan Didion, 1967, Goodbye to All That, from Slouching Towards Bethlehem)
I too remember that moment. It was when I moved away from NYC (as much as I loved it back then) and leaving and coming back home to where we had moved was not as much of a hassle anymore. I would have stayed. It was the traffic, the congestion that turned me off. I never welcomed NYC quite the same way again.
It was in 1994 when I received a great job offer to move me and my family to Lancaster, PA. We purchased a six acre estate – for, when you have that much land, it is an estate, not just a house – complete with a stream, a three acre meadow and a forest as our backyard. And up above those woods was an old, abandoned railroad line, train tracks that once had majestically run freight trains across the region, but had been replaced by the burgeoning trucking industry.
It was a great place to raise two kids as they began to appreciate this rural goodness in which we were surrounded. Farms, large tracts, Amish buggies. The kids would discover crawfish and frogs in the stream. Snakes slithered or baked in the sun up on the trail. It was safe, wide open and I could not believe all of this was mine. It was paradise.
But coming back to New York to visit family and friends proved to be a major effort. A four-hour drive each way. Tolls and traffic around NYC made our monthly visits less frequent as it wore us all down. Gradually we became transplanted New Yorkers. Yes, Goodbye to all that, as Joan wrote.
And now, in two days, my wife and I will be going to NYC to visit the Whitney Museum to see the new exhibit, Edward Hopper’s New York. The irony is not lost on me: Hopper, who painted a slice of NYC portraying the loneliness in a city where you are surrounded by millions of people, yeah, that Hopper.
I do miss New York. Any New Yorker will tell you that you are always a New Yorker no matter where you live. If you ever need proof, your new friends and neighbors will always remind you of you being from there, whether it’s a hint or trace of your old New York accent, your attitude or your experiences. It’s always great to return there but it gets old fast when you’ve lived away for a long time. The crowds are fun at first but then I begin to long for the open road and think about flying over the various bridges as I begin my escape. It’s always great to return home.
Of course, home now is no longer Lancaster. I received an even better job offer in 1998 from PPL, Inc., a Fortune 500 company, to help them plan their new marketing effort to expand their customer base. Our move put us in the Lehigh Valley, PA just south of Bethlehem. So, our travel time to NYC was reduced to 2 or 2 ½ hours (depending on traffic, of course). Much better, but I have noticed the trips to New York are much less frequent now. Mom’s been in Sarasota, FL for 20 years now and Dad passed in 2020 after a long, good life. One sister moved to CT years ago and my other sister still lives in Malverne on Long Island. Many of my closest friends have also moved: FL, CA, CT, MT, VA, GA, other parts. So, there aren’t as many reasons to go as often as in the past.
But we are excited about going to the Whitney to see the Hopper exhibit. Later that evening, we will meet friends for dinner at a downtown restaurant near the museum. Then we will walk to the parking garage near the Whitney and drive home.
And that is the difference right there. When I was younger – much younger – a day in NYC would have been just that – a day in NYC! Walking uptown, downtown and crosstown. Perhaps a Broadway show, lunch at one of the famous Jewish delis (such as the Carnegie Deli, Katz’s or Lindy’s) for a real New York sandwich, a subway ride up to Central Park. Then hit a bar for a nightcap (I used to love the Sazerac House or the White Horse Tavern in the Village back when we lived there or the Old Town Bar on 18th and Broadway).
Those are great memories and I like keeping them that way. Now it’s more of a planned, focused trip designed to avoid problems and excessive traffic. Somewhere along the way, I got spoiled. A New Yorker might say I got ruined. No matter. Priorities change, comfort takes on a new definition. There are new challenges and adventures now, available where we live. We have found many new favorite haunts and excursions and tons of musical treats right where we live. And Bethlehem has emerged as a major restaurant hub with some of the best I have experienced in years. And it’s only 11 miles and 20 minutes away.
Now that is paradise. NYC will always be the mecca for the unique, the eclectic, the cultural. But for us, it is now a choice, not the blueprint.
I remember being young in my early teens before we could drive and taking the Long Island Railroad with friends into Manhattan – and there was nothing else like it. The freedom we felt, the excitement, the choices! Then later as we grew older, we could drive in and around New York and even though we did not have much money yet, you didn’t need much to just walk around midtown Manhattan to gaze at everything and everyone. Grab a pushcart hot dog for a coupla quarters. Head down to Chinatown. September was the San Gennaro festival. That’s how you learned a city.
Do I miss it? No. I have the best memories of New York. I got to work there in my career (1976 – 1994), got to party there too during those same years, got to live in Greenwich Village (1989 – 1993) and got to see tons of Broadway shows and concerts and enjoy many daytrips over the years.
But I now like where I am, my proximity to NYC. It’s the best of both worlds. I will always “love New York.” As long as I don’t have to always be there. Goodbye to all that.
Chris Ebel
2/21/23
Photo credit: @cynthi4yip